“Return from Bakersfield” - Sunday, July 28, 11:40 PM

They used to ask me if I could… then if I should.

Many misunderstood why I went Hollywood,
so I'm back to clarify and electrify. Drop the watermark, now I e-verify.

I've been writing my pants off like a clothing business. I've been writing my socks off because my toes love beaches.

I used to say “stop playing with me” but I'm glad they didn’t listen. I needed a reason to go Ethan on these impossible missions.

Run.
Jump.
Explosion.

Cue suspenseful music.

I'm reading “Fight Right” but who knows if the Gottmans really got me?

I'm a black Jonny Quest, but they keep calling me Hadji. Even in my mind's eye, I could never stay in Jumanji.

Pawns let the side quests control their lives.

Don't confuse me with them. We are nothing alike.

I party with big chips, so I know what they like. Spaceships don't come equipped with rear view mirrors, they “dip”... right? So I take words straight from Andre 3K’s lips to mark a shift… right.

Don’t two rights make a left?

And I told you so and so’s, that “I told you so’s” always feel better when even your foes make it home safely.

Looks like I left you again, now you're really going to hate me.

I’ve been hosting chicken dinners for chronic winners and I'm hardly skimping on the gravy.
Who knows why pharaohs start moving shady? But clearly it's bigger than me, so I just press the escape key.

I asked God to pinch my lady’s cheeks, no need to wake me.

We’re flying down the PCH listening to “Fantasy.”

One time for Mariah Carey and for leaving on an extremely high note.

Two times for all the parents with under-two-year-olds.

Three times for the entrepreneurs that are still awake.

I know it's late, I’m on my third OT looking like Terry Tate.

I go office linebacker, on extended commercial breaks.

I put it all on the line, I’ll do whatever it takes.
I put it all in one line, I’m destined to be great.

When you survive the fire they love to call you Bowser. Follow you to the boss stage, but can’t believe you're the supervisor.
 
Emulate your style but never your superpower.

Longevity.

Let me set the pace and the pacemakers to perfect timing, and turn the radio to “Grindin.”

A part of me feels like Pharrell made cowboy LV just for me, because I’m in Cali enjoying all these country boy luxuries.

I just got home from Bakersfield, where the future is always racing me.
 
I figure if I keep saying yes, maybe it will remember me.

I guess we'll have to see.